toi. wo. me.

infatuations

Monday, October 03, 2005

I CANT EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP. Ah...the comedy that is life.

lol. i really dunno how this shit happens to me...but it sure does make life that much more hilarious.

alrite so this lil incident went down last thursday (and i still laugh about it now when i think about it). i was in the kline geology building around 2 pm, just coming in for work as a research assistant. i walked up three flights of stairs to the lab where i work, but when i got there, i noticed a "wet floor" sign on the door... it was rainy that day so i figured the roof was leaking again. there was no one inside the lab and the door was locked, so i decided to go down to my supervisor's office to check n c if he was there so he could tell me whats up with work. I went down there n no one was there, so i knocked on a couple of grad students' doors that i knew there and again, not a single person was around...after around 20 - 30 min of searching with no luck, i figured, hey NO WORK! hooo-ray. heres where it gets "fun."

on the first floor of the geology building is this huge private LOCKABLE restroom (u know the one specifically for handicapped peoplez but every1 uses anyway). ok, so with me jus being "let off" of work early, i reasoned that i had plenty of time to burn. i began to ponder on the way down the stairs whether i should use this extra leisure time to relieve myself. i mean, the bathroom was on the way down and well, i figured if i wanted to use the restroom, i should do it now, in the delicious privacy of a handicapped restroom. alrite, so with me being the primitive person i am, i opted to obey my more basic instincts and use the first floor restroom. little did i know, this would turn out to be one ridiculously HUGE mistake. so i casually strolled into the restoom, turning around and checking the lock to make sure the door was securely closed. after a lil jiggling and pushing of the door handle, i concluded that it was. so i proceeded to sit down on the bowl n drop off the kids at the pool. im sittin there for a good 5, 10 minutes, havin a grand ol time, swingin my legs, humming tunes n such...when all of a sudden, i hear the door handle jiggle. for a split second, i freeze in place. O GOD, PLEASE TELL ME I REMEMBERED TO LOCK THE DOOR. i remembered back and reassured myself that indeed, i did lock the door no more than 10 min ago and that all was fine in the handicapped restroom. so i chill...until the handle turned all the way and THE DOOR SWUNG OPEN. time seemed to slow down and all i remember is being able to see more n more of the hallway outside the restroom. im sitting there bare-assed, on the shitter, pants around my ankles, shirt draped across my thighs, paralyzed with fear, a glazed over look in my eyes, looking like a deer in the headlights. apparently whoever opened the door was talking to someone and had their head turned the other way, so they didnt immediately see what the fuck was going down. but i was too paralyzed with utter disbelief to reach down and pull my pants up. all i remember thinking was O DEAR LORD, I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING....so the girl turns around and our wide-eyes meet. she utters a gasp and all i can stammer is "whoa...whoa...whoa..." she quickly mutters something about the door being hard to lock (gee thanx for the warning...for a second there, i thought i was a fucktard who decided to take a crap with the doors unlocked) and slams the door...and im sitting there face as red as my ass, head still buzzing about what the hell jus happened in the last 10 seconds...i STILL cannot believe what she jus saw...me slumped over a toilet with my ass hanging out...so i start laughing to myself... this is the shit that happens in sitcoms i thought...not real life....UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE. lol. anyway, so i finish my business PROMPTLY, roll out, and head down the hill, still chuckling to myself about how this lil trauma will make for an entertaining story...

ah so thats that. the comedy that is me loife. funny thing is, i alwayz thought that if this kinda stuff ever happened to me, id b so embarrassed, id never use a public restroom again...but for some reason this isnt the case at all....im not so much embarrassed about what happened as so very amused by it... i mean ill never see that girl ever again...frankly i dont even remember her face, i was so terrified at the moment...but hey i figured, this kinda shit only happens so rarely, so i decided to cherish the hilarity and remember the event in its fullest detail while i still can... and well i did shed tears telling the story to mary and karlo and they did the same laughing about it... what more could i ask for?

wiLLay [ 2:18 AM ]